


Come Home

by Damewhore



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Being Lost, Character Death, Character Study, Dark Side Finn, Dark Side Finn (Star Wars), Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Five Stages of Grief, Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heartbreaking, Hurt, Jedi Finn (Star Wars), Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Lost Love, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Revenge, Sad, Sith Training, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:13:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22363915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Damewhore/pseuds/Damewhore
Summary: When a dark lord takes what Finn loved the most, he seeks revenge, even if that leads him to the path of the dark side.
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Finn, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	1. Lost My Way

_He said “No Rey, we won’t need backup.”_

_He said “We can handle this alone”_

_Even when Rey insisted. Even when Rose insisted. Even when Poe looked at him in a thoughtful way. All he was thinking was “This is the perfect opportunity to talk to him. To tell him everything i want to, since day one.” Because he truly thought there was no danger._

_Because he truly thought they’d finish the mission in no time and spend most of their time alone. All they had to do was check the caves in the planet of Naboo. If anything was wrong and dangerous he would have felt it._

_But he was wrong._

_And he discovered it in the most dreadful way._

* * *

  
  


_This image will never leave his mind. This image will never turn into a forgotten memory. This image will never stop haunting him._

  
  


* * *

  
  


_“I can still feel him in my head.”_

_Finn’s heart felt like a very thin piece of glass, that easily broke with Poe’s sharp eyes._

_“At nights, he still haunts me. I still feel cold and helpless and-”_

_Finn squeezed Poe’s hand tight. “He’s gone. He will never, ever, get close to you again.”_

_“I know…”_

_Finn tried to search him, it was like he was right there but also million of parsecs away._

_“...but?”_

_“But-” Poe looked at him. “The feeling will never go away. The horror that- that someone was inside my head- trying to pull me out and- and i just-”_

_“Hey. Hey hey hey, Poe. Listen to me okay? As long as i breathe, no one will ever hurt you again, okay? I’m here and i will always be here next to you. Okay?”_

_The other man looked at him, with trusting eyes and an appearing smile on his face._

_“Okay.”_

  
  


* * *

  
  


_It only took a single moment, for that to turn into a collapsing lie._

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


_The cave was dark and cold. Finn should have known something about that cold was unnatural. When he saw the man it was too late and Poe was far away, beyond his reach._

_The man was wearing black long clothes and a black mask. He never spoke. Finn never found out who he was. Maybe the rumors about Kylo Ren’s apprentice were true after all…_

_Finn didn’t care. He didn’t have time to care. He didn’t have time to scream Poe’s name._

_He didn’t have time to stop the red blade, passing through Poe’s chest._

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_“No.”_

_Not him. Please not him._

It was like time stopped and his hole body and body went sore. The pain in his heart was unbearable. 

He ran to him, with all the strength he had left, adrenaline moving his feet forward. When he reached him, he knelt down and ran his hand to Poe’s wound.

_Why is there so much blood._

He placed one hand behind Poe’s neck while the other was pressing to his wound and he slowly placed his body to his embrace, in an effort to somehow protect him.

_Poe?_

He tried to speak but his throat was burning and no noise managed to escape his mouth. The other man was trembling. He tried to speak but he coughed blood as a result. With every passing moment he was turning more and more _cold._

Finn’s eyes were burning. He wanted to hold Poe tighter, but he seemed so fragile...blood covered his chest and soaked his clothes, his eyes were barely open and his face was drowning in a mix of blood and cold sweat... he was scared he was gonna hurt him even more.

Finn hold him steady in his arms, unable to move or think of a way to help him. Then, Poe’s eyes opened a bit more and looked at him. Finn’s heart was so tight, he was sure it was gonna stop. Sobs made their way to his throat but he tried to swallow them as the burning in his eyes was quickly turning into a headache.

Poe was desperately trying to breathe, but he kept coughing blood with every new effort.

“It’s okay” Finn tried to speak calming, but his voice was completely broken and dressed with sobs. “You’ll be okay, i’m here” He placed his forehead to Poe’s. “I’m here” he tried to say in a wispear. 

He felt a hand on his own. He raised his head, to find Poe looking at him. With a weak voice, that was barely hearable, he said in one breath “Finn, I’m sorry”

“No, Poe please-” his breath was cut short, as Poe’s hand fell to the side and his head fell a bit backwards, with no more weak breaths keeping his body alive.

_“No”_

Hr tried to shake him.

_“Poe? Poe?! No no no no no no”_

His tears fell to the other man’s heavily hurt and now cold, face. _“Poe please not you...open your eyes. Poe open your eyes please…”_

He tried to shake him again, with no response. Poe’s body was completely still.

_Lifeless._

Finn buried Poe’s head to the groove of his neck and started screaming like he never did before.

Every second was worse than the one before.

Every second was a deeper stab to his heart.

Every second was eating his mind.

_This isn’t right- no this isn’t real. No he’s okay, he’s okay, he’s okay._

He kept screaming with tears running hot to his sore face.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_It only took a moment for that to turn into anger._

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Finn never knew he was capable of feeling this way. He felt his heart turn to stone, his mind filled with hateful thoughts, every single one of them tormenting him every second, his entire body turned _deadly_ cold in a heartbeat.

The moment his eyes left Poe’s body, the last bit of warmth abandoned him.

He only looked at the dark person in front of him.

_I’ve never felt so alone._

_I let him down._

_He’s gone._

_And that’s because of you._

_You killed him_

_And i didn’t protect him_

_And now you’ll die too._

  
  


* * *

As he was walking to the person with the mask and the bloody red saber, his heart turned crueler and crueler with every step. 

Something in his head was screaming but he didn’t listen. His steps were steady- his eyes locked on the mysterious figure that finally decided to talk.

 _“So much anger…”_ The voice was deep and sharp, like a thick blade.

 _“So much hate…”_ The tone of the voice had a touch of curiosity.

_“So much potential…”_

Finn could almost taste the revenge on his lips. He raised his hand, in a quick move, and the lightsaber flew from the sith’s hand, right to Finn’s.

He ignited it immediately.

_He didn’t even wonder how he could do this...range was blinding both, his eyes and mind._

He held the saber tight in his hand- it felt like an extension of himself. Finn was so close to the figure now, but he made no move to leave or come as close...that raised Finn’s anger even more.

_I want him to be scared. I want him to beg for his life. I want him in pain._

The metal was cold in his palm, He held it tight but yet he felt no pain. He could feel the force- like electricity, throughout his whole body, so raw and strong but also _wrong._

_Is the Force suppose to feel so cold and sharp and empty? He could feel it shaping his memories, like the waves shape someone’s footsteps on the sand. Thinking of a smiling Poe reminded him what he lost and could never have again, thinking of Rey reminded him he can no longer come home. All of his memories felt foreign._

Range blurred his mind, and before he knew it, Finn extended his free hand and used the force against his enemy.

_It was nothing like the way Rey uses the force. Because Rey would never use it to choke someone._

And yet here he was. Choking the life out of his enemy as he kept walking towards him. And the worst- most _sick_ part of it?

_It felt good._

_You deserve it._ He thought, _You deserve to die as much as Poe deserved to live._

He could feel the dark figure’s force, trying to resist but Finn was stronger.

_So stronger._

_“Strike me down”_ his enemy said in a weak voice.

_“And i’ll always be with y-”_

He never got a chance to finish, because Finn pulled him forward. As the murderer’s body traveled to him, Finn’s mind recalled his last day as a stormtrooper:

_I’m not a killer._

_I won’t kill for them._

_I will make it out. I will leave this place and never look back again. I will be a good person. I will be human. I will help. I will live._

And he did got out. And he got a name. And he got a home. And he got a family. And all of that was thanks to a person, _a good person,_ that gave him nothing but love, and that good person was now lying dead just a few feet near him. And that person will never fly again. And that person will never laugh again. And that person will never kiss again. And that person will never see the stars again. And Finn still can’t understand that. 

_Poe can’t really be gone… can he? No he- he has so much to do and he has so much life in him, he can’t just be gone._

_But he is. And it’s my fault._

So he uses the force, fiercely, as he closes his fist and drags the sith warrior towards him and then stabs him with the red blade right to the center of his chest.

In the exact same way _he_ did it to Poe.

Finn looks at him _dying_ and feels nothing. 

_Actually he feels something, but it’s not his feelings. He feels the other person dying. Life abandoning the body, soul becoming dust in the wind._

Finn closes the lightsaber and let’s the lifeless body hit the ground.

_He still feels nothing for it. Not even pity or regret._

The silence of the cave echoes in his ears. The only sound is his deep breath and his loud thoughts.

He slowly turns and sees Poe’s body again. Completely still- exactly how he left him. The realisation hits him at once- like he sees that for the first time, and the next thing he knows is the sound of mental hitting the floor as the black lightsaber slips from his hold.

He runs and kneels next to the body that just a few minutes ago was guarding Poe’s soul.

_Is this body really Poe? Without any memories or feelings or life. It can’t be._

He touched Poe’s cheek gently and was taken aback from how cold it was.

_Cold like stone._

_Cold like ice._

_Cold like me._

“You’re not him anymore.” _Just as i’m not myself anymore. You took me with you when you left._

Finn has zero sensation or consideration of time, as he has no idea how long he’s stood there- watching what used to be Poe, and thinking. The next thing he knows is Rey’s shocking voice from the entrance of the cave.

_“Finn?”_

“What are you doing here?” His voice is sharp and he doesn’t take his eyes off Poe.

“I- I felt it. It was...what happened?”

Finn gently brought Poe’s hand to his mouth, and brust a soft kiss.

_Goodbye my one._

He placed Poe’s hand back to his chest and got up.

“Did you bring anyone with you?” He asked as he extended his hand and the dark saber flew back to his hand.

“What? No i- i just got into a ship and-”

“Good.” Finn finally looked at her. “Take the falcon, i will take your ship.”

“Finn wha-” She tried to move to his way and he used the force to remove her. The problems were two:

He used it way more fiercely than he intended and he forgot how strong Rey was.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Rey was blocking him and that irritated him like hell.

“Get out of my way.” Finn ignated his lightsaber- _when did it become his-_ and attacked, ( _attacked!),_ Rey. Rey’s quick reflexes got to work as she ignited her orange bladed saber just in time and their blades clashed.

“What happened?! Where did you get this?!”

Finn didn’t wanna remember what happened and Rey was again and again asking and he was sick and he just wanted to leave.

 _Good_ a mysterious voice whispered inside his head, _You’re stronger than you think. Let the anger consume you. Strike her down._

Every strike had more anger. Every hit, had more hate.

Rey was defending herself, she never attacked him.

When her back hit the wall and their sabers clashed again, they were close and Finn saw her and- it was Rey, his friend, his family.

“Finn whatever it is” Rey was saying in an exhausting from the battle but also loud, voice, “we can deal with it together. I can help you”

And for a moment he was back. But then he remembered.

_When she finds out what i did she will never accept me back. She will never forgive me._

And then he heard the voice again.

_You are destined for great things. She’ll take that away from you. She won’t even look at look again when she discovers you killed him. No one will._

“Finn-”

_Feel the dark side of the force._

And Finn strikes her down. With his free hand, he uses the force to push her to the other side of the room. Rey used the force to steady herself- but still he fell down badly with a shout- and her saber fell far from her, now closed.

 _Finish her,_ the voice said.

But Finn closed his saber and left the big cave as fast as possible. The last thing he heard was Rey’s weak voice calling him, “Finn...no.”

_But Finn was as dead as Poe._

  
  


* * *

  
  


_“You’re ridiculous you know that?” Poe’s voice was colored by his smile._

_“Oh, so i’m ridiculous for telling you to sleep?” Even tho Finn’s voice was light, his words were serious. Poe hadn’t have a proper sleep for a week._

_“Finn!” He was still smiling. Oh boy, he loved that. He loved the attention, especially if it was Finn who was giving it to him._

_“I think i can handle myself thank you very much. The resistance is not gonna run itself you know and all the heavy stuff were thrown on us”_

_But that’s not the problem. And Finn knew that. And Poe knew that he knew that._

_What was hidden behind his words was ‘Leia is gone and i lost a mother again and i didn’t even have time to mourn her and she made me general in her place and i’m doing my best to live up to her but i feel like i let her down and that haunts me and i can’t deal with my thoughts not right now so i don’t sleep, i work hard because that’s what she would do.’_

_Finn sighs._

_“What am i ever gonna do with you?”_

_Poe smirks and only half jokingly says “Oh come on, you know you love me”_

_And looks at him waiting for an answer. Finn gives it to him with a wide smile._

_“I do.”_

  
  


* * *

  
  


_How did i ever think i could become anything but a cold blooded killer? How did i ever think i would escape the darkness of the first order? How did i ever think i could have a happy ending? That i could find love and hold on to it? Because i did find love. And i destroyed it. Because that’s what i was taught to do. I let hope blind me._

_But not any more. I will lock it away. I will kill it. No one will remember what i was._

He could feel poison expanding through his mind. It felt wrong but also refreshing. Like snow in Jakku.

_Do you wish to become?_

Finn almost jump in the hearing of that voice again. He was in Rey’s ship, in the middle of nowhere, because he realised he really had nowhere to go anymore. So he sat there, alone, in the cold space, hugging himself tight and trembling with his thoughts killing him inside.

“Who are you?”

Finn didn’t know if he scared or curious about that voice. Maybe both.

_I can help you become_

He was definitely confused now.

“Become what?” He was trying to keep his voice steady.

_Become what they denied you. You are strong with the force. You can become a powerful Sith._

_A Sith?_ “No! No i would never- I would never-”

_But you would. You did. And you know it._

Finn’s blood turned cold.

_You can never go back._

Finn held his breath.

_You liked it. You liked unleashing your anger. You liked feeling the power in your veins. You liked the feeling of the lightsaber in your hands._

Finn’s eyes were burning, hot tears running to his sweaty cheeks.

“I- No i- I just did- I just did what i thought was right. At the time.” But was it right, at the end?

_I can train you. You can be that. The dark side is strong. It can help you bring the one you love from the dead._

Finn’s eyes went wide. “How do i know you’re telling me the truth?” He could not ignore the tiny ray of hope that bloom in his chest.

_What do you have to lose?_

It’s true. He had nowhere to go, no one to return to. Nothing.

_I can give you a purpose._

Finn realised in a moment that scared him to the bone, that he had already made up his mind. With a steady voice, a still body and dry eyes, he spoke.

“I accept.”


	2. Darkness is the Absence of Light.

Rey felt lost and once again alone. Just like with her parents, one moment she had everything and the next she everything was gone. Her family teared from her in a painful way. 

Poe’s funeral took place on his home planet of Yavin IV.

Rey had to hold it together it together for the sake of his dad. Watching his reaction and trying to stand beside him was the most difficult thing she had to do. His sobs still echoes in her mind. 

Rey thought she could handle anything. Because she handled Jess crying until she had no more tears or Poe’s father tight grip when they delivered the news. But what she could not handle was when Kes asked “Where’s Finn?”. He took one look of her and never asked again. Rey knew there was no way in knowing what actually happened, she even didn’t know the whole story. But he chose not to know. He chose to hope at least he would return one day.

Because he actually loved him like a son.

Rey could recall a lot of times they would return from their trips to Poe’s home, and how happy they both were and all the things Finn would gush about.

_ How did it come to this? _

Even tho she had to return back immediately, she stayed one more day on Yavin, after Kes begged her. She couldn’t deny him and in a way, she owned him this. So she stayed and made sure he was okay, (as okay as a parent that just lost their child can be). She saw the tree Poe always talked about, met his childhood friends, explored his home and ate his favourite food. No matter what she did or where she went, she could still feel him. His presence as loud as ever.

Now she was on the Falcon, on her way back. Her head suffered a terrible headache but she still tried to somehow connect to Finn. Every time she tried he felt even more distant.

She took a deep breath and prepared her body and mind, for yet another effort.

_ Come on Rey… At least locate him. _

Her heart ached. Her mind screamed. Her body gave up.

She opened her eyes.

_ He’s gone. _

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Finn had only been training for a week but he was already so strong, he passed the limits he thought he had. He was training hard and only stopped when exhaustion was stronger than his will. It was easier that way. 

That way, he never thought.

First week of training required mainly physical exercises. He was amazed about everything his body could do. But even when he succeed and his master would congratulate him, he still felt empty and never smiled.

He was like a droid. Never spoke, never showed any emotion, always did was was asked of him. He felt empty but it was still better than everything he felt before.

The only thought he allowed himself to have of Poe, was  _ I’m doing this to bring you back. I can fix this. Maybe he’s not lying to me… _

It was like Finn’s mind was always separated in two parts:

The hopeful one, that even for a slight moment, believed he could actually fix this and return home, and the realistic one, that knew Finn shouldn’t be thinking like this and focus on his new purpose.

_ Become stronger every day. _

He was thankful for that. For his new master. The hard work would keep his mind busy the day and exhaustion would give him dreamless sleeps at nights. At least some nights… because he’d lie to himself if he’d ever admit that his mind wouldn’t bring his lost one when he’s most vulnerable and week. And it wouldn’t even be a full dream… it’d just be an imagine of him smiling or laughing with a nose scratch that Finn always found cute, or him looking at Finn in the eyes, face so close and Finn could  _ swear  _ that even in a dream, he could feel Poe’s hot breath.

Then he always opens his eyes and remembers.

Remembers the bloody face and the dead look in the cold eyes and the steady mouth that produced no more breaths and the useless heart that no longer beat under his chest.

_ No…  _ Finn would think afterwards, when his body would shake with cold sweat.

_ He can’t be gone. He just can’t. He promised he’d help me learn binary and he’d let me fly the Falcon on our way back from our mission and he was so excited to finally see Naboo and we would go to so many planets together and his dad was expecting us three days after that, he can’t just be gone. People don’t go like that. He was young and energetic and warm and full of life and full of love- _

These thoughts were unbearable. Finn screamed in the middle of the night, under the peaceful stars.

He would scream Poe’s name.

Not because he was gone, but because Finn was in pain. Unbearable pain.

And only Poe was there when Finn had nightmares, to hold his hand, whisper soft words to his ear, kiss his forehead, hug him tight.

Love him.

And that was what Finn needed the most. He needed to mourn and cry and sob and scream but nothing would heal his broken heart anymore.

_ Finn was sure he was gonna die because of it. _

“Is there a way?”

He asked one night, after hours of shaking and crying.

_ About what? _

His master would always answer him at once.

“To shut it down. My heart. My feelings. Whatever it takes.”

_ There is. But there’s no turning back from not being human. You must understand i will not be able to guide you or help you afterwards. _

Finn considered it for a moment. But he just wanted to feel peace again. His heart wouldn’t go on like this forever… he couldn’t do this forever.

He thought of Poe one last time before answering. He remembered the last thing he said before going in to that cave.

_ “Seeing Naboo with you was the most beautiful experience of my life… promise me we’ll see the whole galaxy together Finn.” _

With steady breath and a last tear he spoke.

“Show me how.”

His master’s voice was cold but also satisfying.

_ So be it. _

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Since then his mind was clearer than ever. He never thought of his past life again. The only reminder was a dream his mind obliged him to see every night.

He was lying at the edge of a cliff, his right hand steading his body from felling and his left hand was holding Poe’s arm, tight. It was the only thing keeping him from falling.

_ “Finn!”  _

Poe’s voice was like a distant echo from miles away…

_ “I got you! I got you! I’m not letting go!” _

He was using all the strength he had.

_ “Finn!” _

Poe was slipping from his hold, but Finn tightened his grip.

_ I’m never letting go. _

That’s when the dream always ended. Finn never thought about it afterwards. There was nothing to think about it and it didn’t affect him. It was just a stupid dream that would eventually go away.

He was sitting on the floor now- legs crossed and eyes closed. With his mind guiding the force, he lifted rocks from the ground and gave them a sharp shape before pegging them to the tree in front of him.

Training was getting easier and easier every day. He’d discover new abilities every day and shutting down his emotions helped him way more than he would ever begin to imagine.

His master allowed him to have a break from training, so he went to the nearest river to wash his face and have some water.

When he was done, he sat to edge and looked at his reflection.

_ He was different. _

Not because of the dead look or the shaped muscles. The big change that shocked him was the eyes.

They were yellow.

It should scare him. It should’ve scared him a lot.

He didn’t even flinch.

_ My apprentice.  _

His master’s voice was colored by satisfaction.

_ It is time to complete your training. _

“What must i do?” Finn was more than ready to finish this. He needed this.

He swears he could almost hear a wicked smile in his master’s voice.

_ Kill the Jedi. _

That sentence made him feel absolutely nothing. Any feelings he used to have about that person, now felt like a distant and foreign memory.

“It will be done as you wish my lord.”

_ Good. _

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_ “Finn!” _

_ Finn turned to see a very smiley Poe running towards him. _

_ “Someone’s in a good mood today.” _

_ “Great mood!” Poe said as he stopped in front of Finn to take a breath. _

_ “Finn we’re going to Naboo! Well, for a mission, but still! I always wanted to go!” Poe’s excitement made Finn smile like an idiot. _

_ “And now,” He said in a little more serious voice, “I’ll get to see it with you.” _

_ Finn saw his cheeks turn slightly red and that made him smile even more. _

_ This will be perfect, he thought to himself. Just him and me in one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy.  _

_ “Come on Finn, say something.” He was so nervous, it was actually really cute. _

_ Finn bite his bottom lip. He looked so hot right now. His cheeks were flashed, his hair curled up on his forehead with sweat making them shine and he was looking at him in that dreamy Poe Dameron look that made him shiver. _

_ I’m so in love with you, you have no idea. _

_ “When are we leaving?” He asked with a wide smile. _

_ Poe smiled too. _

_ “Tomorrow.” _

_ Tomorrow. I will tell him everything tomorrow. And if he wants, we can have this forever. Just him and me against the world. _

_ “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” _

_ He was happy. _

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Finn knew Rey felt him calling to her. He felt her hope rising up, a spark in the ashes. But his call was clear. Just images and emotions.

_ Cave. Naboo. Hate. Termination. Tomorrow. _

He cut the connection the moment he felt her reaching out to him. She couldn’t change him or turn him now and that realisation pleased him deeply.

One more day and he would begin a new life with his new purpose.

_ Tomorrow. Everything will change tomorrow. It will be me and my powers against the world. Nothing and no one can stop me now. _

_ I will become a Sith. _

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Rey opened her eyes. She knew what needed to be done. It would be the hardest thing she’d ever have to do and it scared her to an extent. But there was no other way.

She looked at Poe’s picture from his old desk. He had his orange flight suit on and was laughing at something Jess said.

_ You’re my only hope. _

She took a deep breath and prepared herself. This would need all her strength and concentration. 

_ “Be with me.”  _ she breathed.

_ “Be with me.” we can still save him. _

_ “Be with me.” there’s still hope. _

_ “Be with me.” please. _

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Finn got in the same cave. 

He felt nothing towards it.

It was as big as he remembered and the light made tricks with the water to look blue.

It was actually beautiful.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_ “Poe before we go in i need to tell you something.” _

_ Poe took a sharp breath. _

_ “Yes?” _

_ Even tho Finn rehearsed it a thousand times, suddenly he brain blacked out. _

_ “Um...uh, i- okay. Well, um, you know how when we met- um no. Let me start over.” _

_ Poe took Finn’s hands on his own.  _

_ “What is it buddy?” _

_ Finn took a really deep breath. _

_ He looked him in the eyes. _

_ Those beautiful dark brown eyes that always offered him nothing but love and made him feel warm and whole. Even now that look was all the comfort he needed. _

_ “I’m in love with you.” _

_ And he said it like that. Because it was Poe and Poe didn’t need an explanation. Finn’s look was telling him everything. _

_ He laughed as he cupped Finn’s face with his hands and kissed him.  _

_ Finn wrapped his hands around Poe’s waist to bring him closer.  _

_ This. This is everything i need. I want to hold him forever and love him and share my life with him.  _

_ I can’t believe this is actually happening. _

_ “I’m in love with you, too” Poe whispered in between the kiss. _

_ Finn’s heart was beating out of his chest. _

_ This is what happiness feels like. _

_ They broke the kiss, both breathless and Poe gently pressed his forehead against Finn’s. _

_ “Okay.” he breathed and looked at Finn. _

_ “Let’s just check this cave really quick and then we’ll talk about this more. Or you know, just make out.” _

_ Finn smiled. _

_ “I love how your mind works.” _

_ We finish this mission and then we live. We finally get to live. _

_ I finally get a life with the one i love. _

_ I finally get a happy ending. _

_ He looked at Poe walking forward. _

_ I love you so much. _ _   
  
_

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Rey was already ready to collapse. She could feel the sweat running through her face.

_ “Be with me” _

The force never felt stronger.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Finn could feel a weird presence inside the cave. He couldn’t quite put his finger to it, for some reason.

_ She must be close,  _ he thought.

_ No.  _ His master sounded frashtaiting and scared.

_ No. No you can’t. His mine! You can’t- _

Suddenly he felt the connection with his master, cut short.

“Master?”

No. It wasn’t just the connection. His master’s presence disappeared completely.

_ What’s going on. _

“Mas-”

He felt a warm presence near his heart. Something he hadn’t felt since...

A wave of shock attacked his whole body at once. He heard his lightsaber hit the ground.

Tears escaped his burning hot eyes as he starting shaking from his core.

_ Can it be... can that really be… But it can’t. _

_ But- but that warm feeling… that can only be… _

_ “Finn?” _

Finn went still like a statue. Everything he was fighting all this time to vanish, was slowly coming back, just like that.

He did his best to take a breath and slowly turn around.

The moment he saw him, sobs started to scratch his neck.

It was him. It truly, was him. With his gray pants and the shirt in the color of the sand and his dark blue leather jacket and those beautiful black curls.

It was Poe.

Somehow, it was Poe.

And he was looking at him with a sad smile on his face and Finn was struggling to breath.

_ “Finn…” _

That one word was all it took to split his heart in half.

Finn had no idea how he was still standing. He was sure his body would give up any minute now.

_ “Poe?”  _ his voice was a silent whisper, as more tears left wet marks on his cheeks.

_ “I miss you so much.” _

Poe smiled at him. He was so peaceful and calm and beautiful.

_ He was like an angel. _

Just looking at him hurt. It hurt to a level Finn didn’t know was possible.

_ Poe i’m- i’m so sorry for- for everything… it was my fault…”  _

His sobs swallowed the rest of the words.

He wasn’t holding up anymore. He was crying and sobbing and he didn’t care about anything else in the world. He just wanted Poe back and it hurt.

Pain was written all over Poe’s face.

_ “Finn... Come to me.” _

Finn looked at him while trying to steady his breath and failing. He took a step forward.

_ “Poe i’m- i’m right here.” _

Poe shook his head.

_ “You’re not… Finn, you’re so far and cold… i can never reach you.” _

Finn moved his eyes to the floor in an act of embarrassment.

_ “I- I couldn’t… I just couldn’t…” _

_ “Couldn’t what?” _

The softness in Poe’s voice made him raise his look again.

_ “Finn i’m here… talk to me.” _

_ “I couldn’t forgive myself.”  _ It so weak, it was barely hearable but he said it. He finally said it to him. Poe came closer.

_ “And- And the person i needed the most was gone. And it was my fault. I needed you and you were gone and all of that because of me-” _

_ “Finn.”  _ Poe’s voice was like a broken feather. He was in front of him now and it was unbearable. He raised his hand and touched the spot above Finn’s heart. Even tho Poe was intangible, Finn could swear on his life, he felt that touch. Felt the warmth.

_ I miss him so much. _

_ “I’ll always be right here.” _

Finn couldn’t find the right words. He wanted to touch him and hug and and never let go, and cry on his shoulder until the morning light finds them.

He needed that and his inability to do so was hurting like hell.

_ “It wasn’t your fault Finn. It could never be.”  _

Finn was sure that his heart would actually stop this time.

_ “Every mission could be my last. I always knew the risk. I am grateful for that Finn. That’s what brought me to you.” _

Finn couldn’t keep him eyes open any more.

_ “I thought the mission on Jakku would be my last. I was sure of it. But then you came to me and saved my life and changed my fate. And i wouldn’t have it any other way… Finn look at me.” _

Finn did.

_ “I would sacrifice a hundred years just to have a day with you.” _

He gave him a sad smile.

_ “I am grateful you were with me at the end.” _

There was no way in hell Finn would ever stop crying and sobbing.

_ “I wouldn’t change anything Finn. Not a single thing.” _

Poe placed his other hand on Finn’s cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned in to it, hoping he could feel it somehow. 

_ “Come back to me.”  _

Finn opened his eyes to look at him one last time. Poe’s eyes were sparking with light as they always did, like nothing changed.

_ Not even death can touch him. _

Finn started to feel whole again, his heart giving him life.

_ “Finn.” _

There it was… the light.

_ “Come home.” _

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Rey collapsed to the ground, her clothes soaked in sweat, her body muscles in pain and her mind feeling sore.

She was making an effort to take exhausted breaths and calm down.

After some breathing she managed to put her body in a sitting position- her back against the old desk.

She touched her heart and only when she felt it, she allowed herself to rest.

He was back.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“Rey? Rey can you hear me?”

She slowly opened her eyes. She slept in the floor against her desk for who knows how many hours and her back was hurting so bad. She looked up and saw Rose looking at her with concerned but also happy eyes.

Rose helped her sit up before saying: “He’s back.”

Rey immediately jumped from the floor and ran out of the room in a heartbeat.

Adrenaline was moving her feet forward because otherwise there was no way she would’ve been able to make even a step.

She made it to the main hangar when she saw him. He spotted her the same moment and they both started crying while running to each other.

Their bodies collided at the middle of the room and they both buried their faces in each other’s necks.

No one spoke. There wasn’t any need for that. The embrace was enough. The crying was enough. Rey knew what Finn needed and she would help him but all that mattered now was that he was home.

He finally, was home.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Finn looked at the ring on his palm. He always knew about the ring, Poe told him right away. 

He thought that they buried him with it but he felt blessed and grateful when Jess gave it to him.

“He would want you to have it.” she said. “He was planning on giving it to you anyways.”

Finn closed his fist and brought it to his heart.

Right where Poe was.

It would get better eventually. 

The pain would get better.

Just not yet. But that’s what people do. They hurt and they heal. It takes time, but he would heal because he was not alone and now he knew that.

He had a family and he had a home.

He closed his eyes and felt the evening breeze on his face.

_ I will always be here. _

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


He saw the dream only one last time:

He was lying on the edge of the cliff- his hand the only thing keeping Poe from falling.

_ “Finn!” _

But Finn knew now. 

Knew what he had to do. 

Knew what Poe wanted him to do.

He tightened his grip- feeling Poe’s hand one last time

_ “Finn.” _

When he was ready, he finally let got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! This part was really difficult to write but i gotta say, i loved how it turned out and i'm really proud of it. As always i hope you enjoyed it and thank you so much for reading it!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing this for so long, it's actually sureal that i finally publish it. I hope you enjoy it and please excuse any grammar mistakes (I'm not a native english speaker).


End file.
